It is a strange and humbling experience to realise that you are alone.
It has been very hard being so far away from home while my loved ones
are going through some difficult and life changing situations. And it
has made me realise just how caught up we get in our own lives that we
forget that those around us may need help too. I recently had two of
my closest friends loose people who are dear to them. With oceans between us
all I have been able to do is be the person at the other end of the
phone, or the other end of a txt message to send words of sympathy and
encouragement. But alas, words are only so much and sometime a hug, a
kiss or a subtle touch of a hand is what they need most, and that is
something I cannot deliver.
It has made me realise how much we rely on other people and not just
in times of need but in everyday life. From the women who needs
constant reassurance of their worth from other people and material
things to the old man who just wants to have a conversation at a bus
stop. People are lonely. This makes me sad.
I have always believed that I am a strong and confident young women
but I have recently realised that I am not. I have always, ALWAYS, had
someone looking out for me. My parents, my sister and more recently,
my other half.
Five days ago I came down with fever, but I had work to do and was
under considerable stress with a group I have, but I received no
sympathy from my charges so I pushed it to one side and kept going.
Then the diarrhoea, the aches, and the bruising started.
Waking at night covered with sweat and hallucinating that a man with
half a face was strangling me was one of the most terrifying moments
in my life. I tried to scream but I knew no one was coming. I realised
that it wasn’t real but this man would not leave. Not until morning
came and the fever broke. The following evening I let the street dog,
Jay-jay, who had decided to adopt me, sleep in my room. This time when
the man came back Jay-jay was there to lick my hand and bring me back
to a conscious state. He stayed guard over me for the rest of the
night. The following day I realised that I needed to take
responsibility for my own health and asked if someone would take me to
the hospital. I was diagnosed with Dengue Fever and given medication
to help with the symptoms. Unfortunately Jay-jay decided to chew the
outside couch in my absence which upset the Indians and he has not
been seen since. So I have lost my one small token of support and am
on my own again.
As upset as I am about this I feel that my problems are minuscule
compared to those around me and to complain would be an insult to
However, I also realise that we all go through different periods at
different periods and sometimes hearing other people’s problems not so
much as puts your own into perspective but gives you empathy towards
someone else and a lot of the time that empathy is all one needs in
order to feel connected and supported.
As for me I am doing my best to try rest, which is easier said than
done. I am taking my allopathic medicine as well as my Ayurveda
medicine and between the two I should be back to myself in no time. I
will have a day off on Sunday, and quite frankly, for everyone here,
Sunday cannot come soon enough.